


Not with a Bang but with a Whimper

by LadyKoori



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-20
Updated: 2011-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-15 19:08:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/164031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyKoori/pseuds/LadyKoori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John had known that something terrible had happened to Carson when they’d found him unconscious, strapped to the bed in that tent. He hadn’t realized it was as bad as this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not with a Bang but with a Whimper

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to thank Waldo for all of her support, betaing, help, conversation, and general good will during the writing of this fic. I would also like to blame the existence of this fic on her. I would never have written it otherwise. The lovely banner was a gift from sithdragn

[   
](http://s15.photobucket.com/albums/a399/amrkoori/?action=view&current=notwithabangficplatev2.png)

[   
](http://community.livejournal.com/sgdiverse_award/)

  
It had been two weeks since the failed experiment had not ended in the explosive manner that it should have. Two weeks of hoping that they had managed to blast everyone on the planet out of existence, but realizing it probably hadn’t worked. Two weeks of waiting for Michael to bring another Hive ship down on them. Two weeks of knowing that the Wraith had a nuclear device. Two weeks of preparation, training and crossed-fingers. Two weeks of nothing happening.

Unless you counted the quiet Scottish doctor who kept snapping at everyone with increasing frequency.

Carson had been avoiding John over the last two weeks. They been seeing each other since the incident with Ford and the Wraith Hive but this was the most depressed John had ever seen him. Before Michael’s Hive had appeared wanting an alliance, John had slept in Carson’s room nearly every night, but now John was back to sleeping in his own room, alone.

John frowned as he entered the infirmary catching the tail end of another of Carson’s barely polite conversations with one of his nurses. To her credit, the woman turned on her heel without saying another word, forced smile plastered on her face as she walked past John without saying hello or inquiring if he needed anything. Frown deepening, he moved to stand in the doorway of doctor’s small office. Carson was slumped back in his chair, staring off in the corner. John watched him for a moment.  
John knocked on the wall next to the door frame. “Hey.”

Carson sat up, startled, looking around for a moment before his eyes settled on John. “Something the matter, John?”

“Funny, I was going to ask you that,” John stepped into the room just enough that he was leaning on the wall instead of in the doorway.

“As I keep telling everyone, I’m fine,” Carson replied.

“Did you ever go see Heightmeyer?”

“I have more important things to do then discussing my feelings with that woman,” Carson snapped back.

John didn’t say anything, just raised an eyebrow.

Carson slumped back in his chair. “I will talk to her eventually; I just need to finish things up.”

John studied the other man for a moment. He looked haggard, with even more stubble then usual and dark circles under his eyes. John couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Carson take a meal in the mess hall. Pushing off from the wall, John moved around the desk to stand next to the doctor’s chair.

“Come on,” John said. “You’re getting out of this damn office for awhile.”

“I’ve got work to do,” Carson replied.

“Which will get done faster after you’ve eaten and slept and showered,” John put his hand under Carson’s arm and pulled him to his feet.

“Really, John,” Carson said. “I just want to get this done.”

“And you will. Tomorrow.”

John started moving towards the door, dragging Carson along after him. Halfway across the office, Carson wrenched his arm out of John’s grasp.

“I’m fine,” he said.

John reached out to take a hold of Carson’s arm again.

“Just leave me alone,” Carson barked.

John didn’t get the chance to react. He was simply on the floor, his jaw throbbing, staring up at the horrified expression on Carson’s face.

“I’m sorry,” Carson said before rushing out of the office.

John let the nurses fuss over him for exactly half an hour. No one mentioned calling Elizabeth or Heightmeyer. He was given some painkillers and a coldpack without any of it being written in his file. Biro barely spoke to him while she examined him. The x-ray was deposed of as soon as it was determined that his jaw wasn’t broken. He wasn’t told to come back if the swelling got too bad or lasted too long. They just all walked away from him at the same time and went back to what they’d been doing when John had come into the infirmary to check on Carson.

It didn’t take long for him to locate Carson. He didn’t even bother knocking on the door to the doctor’s quarters. The man didn’t look up when the door slid open at John’s mental command, just kept sitting on his couch with his head in his hands.

John knelt in front of him. “Carson, you need to talk to Heightmeyer.”

“I can’t tell her this, she works for me.”

John put a hand on Carson’s knee, leaning down to try to catch the other man’s eyes. “Is this about Michael? What happened, Carson? What did he do to you?”

Carson looked at him. There was a pain in his eyes that left a tightness in John’s chest. Carson reached out and brushed his fingers lightly across the bruise forming along John’s jaw. “I’m sorry.”

“Well, if the infirmary is mysteriously short a coldpack and some painkillers next time you do inventory, just ignore it,” John replied.

Carson shook his head and looked down once more.

“What did he do to you, Carson?” John asked again hoping this time he might get an answer.

“I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“I think you need to,” John said. “And if you won’t talk to Heightmeyer about it then talk to me about it.”

“No,” Carson replied. “Just leave me alone, please.”

John sat on the couch next to him. “Not going to happen.”

“John….”

“Hey,” John said. “My jaw is swelling up, I’d like to know why.”

“I would rather just forget everything,” Carson stood and moved across the room.

“What did Michael do to you, Carson?”

Carson rounded. “He didn’t do anything!”

“You just told him where the bomb was?” John stood and walked towards him.

“Of course not,” Carson looked horrified at the suggestion.

“Then what did he do that made you tell him?” John asked softly.

Carson didn’t meet his eyes. “Please leave.”

John stopped in front of Carson. He had known that something terrible had happened to Carson when they’d found him unconscious, strapped to the bed in that tent. He hadn’t realized it was as bad as this.

“Carson, I only want to help you, but I can’t do that if you won’t tell me what happened.”

  
 _Michael leaned in close to Carson. “You’re exactly what I need,” Michael said. “Now, let us begin.”_

 _Carson kept his eyes on the tent ceiling above him. He could feel Michael working his way into his mind. He tried to close himself off, keep himself away from the intrusion, but when they had been sent to the Pegasus galaxy this had not been one of the things they had been prepared to fight against._

 _“What is the failsafe and where is it?”_

 _“I don’t know,” Carson said._

 _“This will be easier if you will just tell me what I want to know,” Michael ran his finger down the side of Carson’s face._

 _“I already told you I don’t know,” Carson replied._

 _“I don’t believe Colonel Sheppard would just leave you here without you knowing the safety measures that had been put into place.”_

 _“Well, I’m afraid you’re mistaken,” Carson said._

 _Michael leaned close again. “No I’m not,” his tongue flicked out against Carson’s cheek. Carson flinched, tried to pull away from the transforming Wraith. “Before I am finished you will tell me everything I want to know.”_

 _Michael stepped backwards. He moved down the table, keeping one hand on Carson’s body as he went. Carson tried not to squirm as Michael’s hand ran long the outside of his right leg then back up the inside of his left. It came to rest with his palm cupping Carson’s cock through the fabric of his pants._

  
Carson sat down on the couch once more. Carefully, John sat down next to him. “We didn’t know, Carson. When we found you, you seemed out of it but in one piece.”

“Because it hadn’t.”

“What?”

“Nothing actually happened,” Carson said. “He just projected all of it, into my head. So, you see, there isn’t any reason for me to be upset because it wasn’t real.”

John reached out to touch the other man’s leg but thought better of it and withdrew his hand. “You have every reason to be upset. For you it really did happen, but that’s not all of it, is it?”

  
 _Michael palm pressed more firmly against Carson. He could feel Michael in his head, toying with memories and past sensations causing Carson to harden against his hand. Michael chuckled as he moved his hand away to undo Carson’s pants. He pulled Carson’s cock out and wrapped his hand around it, the ridge forming in his palm added to the sensation. Carson squeezed his eyes, trying to block out the feelings. Michael began to move his hand slowly up and down, the grip loose._

 _“What is the failsafe?”_

 _Carson jaw clenched hard enough that it hurt._

 _Michael’s grip tightened. “What is it?”_

 _“A bomb,” Carson said, hating himself._

 _The hold around him loosened returning to the slow rhythm. “Where?”_

 _“I don’t know.”_

 _Michael scoffed. “What kind of bomb is it?”_

 _“A nuclear one,” Carson replied._

 _Michael increased the speed of his hand moving on Carson. “It must be close then.”_

 _Carson thought for a second. Telling them about that they would need to search a larger area might actually be useful as it would buy him more time to come up with a way of warning Atlantis. “It is laced with a mineral we call naquadah. It is what the Stargates are made out if. It increases the explosive power of the bomb.”_

 _“Hmm,” Michael said as his hand worked Carson with more force pushing him closer towards an end._

 _Michael didn’t ask any more questions for several minutes, just kept moving his hand over Carson. Carson was getting close. From Carson’s mind Michael had learned just how Carson liked to be touched and he was using that against Carson now. Shame filled Carson as he felt his muscles begin to stiffen, felt himself beginning to fall over the edge._

 _The hand paused at the base of Carson’s cock, tightening around him. “Where is the bomb?”_

 _Carson shook his head, biting at his bottom lip to keep from whimpering from his need. He wouldn’t betray Atlantis; wouldn’t endanger everyone by letting Michael get his hands on a nuclear device enhanced with naquadah._

 _Michael’s hand moved up and down once, painfully tight and Carson whimpered. The location of the bomb spilled from his lips against his will. The hand began moving again, just tight enough and just fast enough and Carson turned his face to the side as he came._

 _Michael laughed. “See,” he said pulling away. “That wasn’t so hard, now was it?”_

  
Tears were streaming down Carson’s face. He turned towards John, burying his face against John’s shoulder. John hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around Carson. He rubbed one of his hands up and down the other man’s back while murmuring words he hoped sounded comforting. He didn’t actually know what would be best to say to a person who had just told him what Carson had just told him. No one would really, except possibly Dr. Heightmeyer, but she had training.

“I shouldn’t be upset about this,” Carson sobbed. “He didn’t touch me.”

“But he made you think he did,” John replied. “Which is just the same as if it had actually happened.”

“I treated rape victims before,” Carson raised his head. “Nothing happened to me, I don’t have the right to feel this way.”

“Yes, you do,” John insisted. “You have every right to feel the way you do. None of this is your fault.”

Carson shook his head again before putting it back on John’s shoulder.

John let Carson cry himself out then gently led the man to the bed. He knelt down in front him and undid his shoes before standing and getting Carson out of his clothes. When he had the other man stripped down to his boxers, he pulled the sheets back on the bed and made Carson lie down. Once Carson was settled, John went into the bathroom to something to wash Carson’s face with. As he wet the washcloth, he glanced up at himself in the mirror. He hadn’t realized he’d been crying too. He wiped the wet cloth across his face once before going back to wash Carson’s.

Carson appeared to have already fallen asleep so he ran the cloth over his face as gently as possibly. When he stood to take the washcloth back to the bathroom, Carson’s hand wrapped around his wrist.

“Don’t go,” Carson’s voice was soft and sleepy. “I keep having nightmares. I just….I want someone to hold me for a little while.”

John smiled down at him. “Let me put this in the bathroom and I’ll be happy to hold you all night. You really need to sleep, though.”

Carson nodded and let go of his wrist, rolling so his back was to his room. John quickly took the washcloth back to the bathroom. He returned to the bed, stripped off his pants and his shoes and curled up behind Carson, wrapping his arm across the other man’s stomach.  
Carson moved back against him so that his back was pressed tight against John’s chest. John took a deep breath, letting himself enjoy being so close to Carson for a second before closing his eyes and drifting towards sleep. He couldn’t change what had happened, but if Carson had nightmares tonight at least he wouldn’t wake up alone.   
[****](http://community.livejournal.com/notmcshep/)


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